Adventures of Frangipan

Friday, 23 May 2014

Take your hatred out on me, Make your victim my head

I feel like I've become a sponge for negativity. Whatever I do, I upset someone, and they unload that onto me. I can only listen to what they say. I can't defend my position because I'm not 100% sure about my decisions, whichever option I go with.

So I spend all my time fretting about it, and not wanting to answer the phone or check emails, because no doubt there is more negativity.

There are still positive comments and people saying thank you. But somehow these are always drowned out by the negative. I guess those with the issues are those who shout loudest.


Thursday, 22 May 2014

The End of Me & Mounted Games?

So if I give up mounted games training, what will I do?

It is only fair to say that games is not the only reason I'm miserable at the moment. My job is not a career and is not something I want to be doing for too long: I need to find a job I'm really passionate about. I don't see much of my friends; in fact, I don't feel like I have many friends anymore. I don't have much money, meaning I don't feel I can make much of an effort to go out and have fun. I'm dragging my feet with Dad stuff.

But I don't feel I'm in a position to do much about those things. I'm kinda stuck here with the horses, so I'll have to find a job around here. And now my hours are going up, I might as well stick around until the end of the contract and then see what's what. And I'll have a bit more money then too. If I had more time for friends, I might make more time for them. Dad stuff will come to an end soon, and I just need to pull my socks up and get on with it.
But games.

I'm not getting what I used to out of games. It has been more stress than fun this year. Sure, next year could be better, but I would have to invest another 12 months to find out. Another 6 months of feeling like I'm talking to a brick wall. Another 6 months of no weekends. Another 2 months of sleepless nights.

And all for what?
I want Dad to have a legacy; I don't want his life.

So what would I do?

I suppose the possibilities are endless. I could work on my own horses. I could do something with the dogs. I could visit family. I could visit friends. I could go away for weekends, walking and taking photos. I could blog more. I could volunteer with different organisations that might have career prospects. I could get another job and save money to go travelling.

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